Boy

Am I a boy running away from manhood? This question-statement of sorts just popped in my head as I clicked on the link that got me here.

Sitting here in the middle of the night archiving the entire music library that I have just bought over is leaving me quite the restless. I don't know why but I think it is natural to feel quite out of sync with the way things are happening right now. Here I am surrounded by a mess newly created from stacks of CDs and a combination of personal bills, court summons and office paper work. Is this the life I imagined myself to have? I'd much rather replace all of this junk with guitars, effect racks and starbucks coffee. Ok, that last one is debatable.

I find I have been travelling between zones - which is why I have been feeling restless all this time since the start of the school year some yonks ago. Between is what I hate. Now I just feel convoluted and pukey. Like I'm about to throw up anytime. Maybe it's the fast food I have been eating on end. For some reason I think I burned out on trying to cook for therapy. Perhaps it's the cold left overs from many nights waiting for people to get home that's leaving a bad taste in my mouth. I think I'm at the stage where I want to move out on my own again. So I could shake off whatever that is clutching on my back. Staying alone can be quite good especially when you have so much dormant angst that you want to avoid hurting people with your destruction.

Well, maybe I should clean up my room to start with. Might even take the day off, but there is so much runaround to figure. Bastards.